Keep your eyes on the prize...
Today is Father's Day, and fathers everywhere are being honored by posts online, outings, and well-wishes from just about everyone. I want to take this time with my little corner of the interwebz to express gratitude for all of the hard work that you guys do.
I'm not a dad, but I played one in a Christmas play. I recognize from my own family, especially my father, how important it is to have a positive male role model in my life. My dad (RIP) had a sense of cool and a heartwarming smile that let you know that everything (no matter what) is going to be alright. For that, and for many other reasons far too numerous to mention, I thank God for my dad.
But this isn't about MY dad.
This is more about my peers, men around the same age as I am, if not a little older or younger.
I have been watching my friends as they have become fathers. Some of them were fathers before I met them. I watched them interact with their children, and it filled me with joy to watch them just be DADDY. Whether it was in church, or hanging out, I watched them with their kids. I listened as their voices changed, because they wanted to get their children's attention. The voice change wasn't ANGRY, but AUTHORITATIVE. It was the voice that said "OK, Dad is speaking now." But even when the authority was demonstrated, harsh words did not accompany them. These men did not use their authority to belittle or demean their children, nor did they use that authority as a way to "silence" their children. It was to discipline their children, and to let them know that the kids were doing something that they had no business doing, and that it was time to chill out, or take a break, or a time out.
I listened as you called your sons "Buddy" on occasion. I listened, and I knew that despite the term of endearment, I knew (or at least I believe, from what I DO know) that you are RAISING your child, and not looking to be his friend. You let your kids know that they are safe with you, and that you are there for them.
Far too often, especially in Black pop culture, we look at celebrities as an indicator of the status of Black men in our community. Tiger Woods cheats on his wife, and it's "AW NAW, SEE, THESE MEN AIN'T NO GOOD." Kanye West does whatever self-important d-baggery that he does to make himself feel special, and it's headline news. And then there are other pro sports and entertainment stars. And don't get me started on such dismal examples such as Shawty Lo...
Pictured: An example of NOT HELPING.
But for every gruesome failed public spectacle, there are exponentially more examples of men being real fathers to their kids.
My brother, my cousins, and far too many friends to mention provide excellent, if not unheralded, acts of real fatherhood. One of the shining examples of fatherhood comes from one of my best friends. If you had asked me years ago if he would be the guy that demonstrates what fatherhood is like, I probably would have laughed. But he has been a great dad to his sons, and he has shown that he will move heaven and Earth to help his sons (which is part of the reason why I don't have much of an issue with his last-minute calls for he to help him with his son's homework).
As I said, I'm not a father. One of my friends joked that I'm going to be like Abraham in the Bible, and become a dad at the ripe ol' age of 100 or so. But I just want to say to you guys that I thank you. Thank you for providing real-life, honest-to-goodness examples of fatherhood, in your own ways. If and when I become a father, I hope and pray that I'm able to follow the examples that you guys have set, when comes to being a dad.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!
